A picture does not tell the same story to everyone.
Feelings are never the same for everyone even when the same word is used to describe it. When your spouse complains that “I don’t feel loved”, they are not telling you that you are not evoking the feeling they get from their parents. When someone tells you a feeling, they are asking you to help unlock a mystery for them. They are not asking you for a solution, but to be with them. They are not asking you to change, but to take them along.
Relationships turn into prison cells when you do not understand this dynamics.
Let us come back to “I don’t feel loved”. Do you feel ‘judged’ when the other says it to you? Don’t feel judged even if the other is being judgmental, because at that very moment you will shut your doors to the other. You begin to feed more and more reasons, as days pass, to the other to confirm that their judgment about you was absolutely correct. This leads to irreparable differences, and leads your mind to hell regardless of the visible outcomes. Have you watched artists paint? Give them the same view, say a sunset, and watch them paint. You will get different views painted. Why does it happen so? Because there are layers in everything which only you can see. If you want the other to see that, you must be ready to hold them close to you.
When you say “I don’t feel loved”, it must be an invitation. When you invite someone for dinner, won’t you prepare what they like? You are not a good host if the spread, you lay on for your guest, are of your favorites unmindful of your guest’s preference.
Be mindful of the other when you express your feelings, and you will paint a beautiful picture together where you see each other truly as they are. I am not asking you to be careful not to hurt the feeling of the other. You will go into the jail of suppression if that’s what you have understood. You must take the time and make the effort to know the other just like you will do if the King or the Queen is to dine at your home tonight. If they are too archaic for you, imaginethe person whom you badly want to impress upon. If nothing is impressive enough for you to impress upon, you are either depressed or enlightened; or you could just be a maniac.
Swastham Shantam Sampurnam